it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Everything about him screamed your future.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
