we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize