I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
