I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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