I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
