you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
