i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
