The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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