I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
wow bdsm is so cute
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
