flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
All I want is dick and wine.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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