I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
