why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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