Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It's never too late to be topless.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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