Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
