I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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