I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
