i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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