Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
