Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
