i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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