The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
