I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
