I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
dude. I can hear the air.
PANTIES FOUND
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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