you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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