He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
