I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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