I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
