I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Randomize
