Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
