If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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