I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
