I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
