I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Please don't give away my fajitas
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
