I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
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