I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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