he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
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