when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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