Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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