Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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