Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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