dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
