we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
