I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
