Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
