I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
