my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
This toilet bowl is my home.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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