be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Let's paint friendship bongs
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
