the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
