apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
