You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
