he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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