Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
