Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
