I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
What a dumb baby whore.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
