My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
