I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
