Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
