If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
