I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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