dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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