very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
