Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
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i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
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the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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