My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
