Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
