No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
