I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
and she was petting her beer can
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize