tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
try to milk me bitch
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