You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
