remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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