no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
