he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
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