whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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