this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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