i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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