I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
